they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
