My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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