Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
