Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
