I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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