We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Of course I have a pirate flag
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize