I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
