Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
