Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
