Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Randomize
