Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize