Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
