If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
