part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
