Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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