She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
