Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
