My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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