Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
