What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
