a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
