Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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