I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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