I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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