Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize