im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
