Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
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