The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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