I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
