no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
