I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
