i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
