I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
