I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
