Sorry, I don't speak sober.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize