I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
