that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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