I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize