Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
