Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
