Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
