we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
