you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
