Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
