Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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