All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
