He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
