I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
