you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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