New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
