It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I need to calm my uterus...
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