shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
