I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
