Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
