Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
