you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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