my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
