So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
