i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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