Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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