What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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