Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
