So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
