I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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