eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
We are all done wearing pants today
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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